Today I brought her home work from school the biggest book I could find at a bookstore for something to do and the one thing that made her so excited she could dance and sing. A pen. I asked her if she was ever in her life so excited to get a pen. She jumped up and down and said no.
Now I know that some of it is put on, hell it could be all of it. I know it is going to be hard for her if she is 100% real because stuff is going to come back to her too slow. She still thinks some place in the back of her head that all she has to do is weather the storm. I assured her that it was not true.
I'm beat. Come this morning my Ex-wife is coming over to have a go at daughter management. I'm very very happy. I need the break to clean in my bedroom and get ready for going back to work.
I can see that the pressure is easing off of her now. She knows that living like she does in her one room. Nothing can get to her. All those problems and items she thought were so important are gone and yet she is alive and well.
They say you can bring a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Well I have tied Tori to the tough. Sooner or latter, even if pretending to now she is going to have to drink that water. I'm never going to surrender, I'm never going to give up. My daughters life is way too valuable for that.
I wish I could tell her how proud I am of her but I feel she feeds on that too much and she uses that kind of support to try to wedge more things into her world. I told her she has exceeded my expectations for the day and left it at that.
So much to do and so little time.
Here is to all of you for standing by me.
Cheers---
1 comment:
I have been following your story since I heard about Tori being missing. It brings me to tears every time I read an entry. I was Tori.. when I was that age.. that was me. Maybe I cry because I know what I put my dad through and what a long road it is out from where she is now.
I wish you and your daughter the best. You absolutely have your head on straight. That's not an easy thing. It wasn't until my dad learned about personality disorders and began to understand my diagnosis that it happened for him. I'm so amazed at your strength and the love you have for her. I know the road is hard, but I know you will make it through. The extreme steps you have been forced to take and been willing to take proves it.
Good luck to you. You are not alone.
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